Love Hurts (Male Perspective)

What’s happening my people, how are we today?  I’m good, just thought it was time to drop the second part of my three part post.  Now getting down to business.  Let me first say that by no means am I justifying violence against anyone,  domestic or otherwise.  With that being said, this is my view on violence in relationship from a male perspective.  Like I have said in previous post that from a young age we are taught to defend ourselves in the face of being attacked, right.  At least that’s how we were raise in my community and if you didn’t defend yourself you were going to get a major beat down from your parents or whoever was raising you.  In my years growing up I was no stranger to domestic violence, hell my moms was not one for you to mess with and if you thought she was hard on me, she gave her husband, boy-friends and friends hell.  She was the type who would start a fight and want to fight and would not stop fighting.  Hell, half the time I didn’t know what the hell was going on, she was that much of a bad ass.  I see my oldest daughter in her.  So by me growing up with all of that, it really turned me off in a way that I don’t even like to be confrontational and try to avoid it as much as possible because I know I have a little of her in me and I’m liable to snap.  When I was young, I will admit I have smacked the hell outta a girl friend before and that was not a good feeling because of all the raw emotions involved in it leaves you confused and feeling less of a man.  I have never just plain beat a woman up, out-right just fought a woman because where’s the love in that.  It’s none at all.  However,  on the other hand you have woman, who are like my mom.  The one who got a thrill fighting  little boys when she was young and it carried over to adulthood.

What we must understand is that our upbringing has formed us in ways we couldn’t even imagine and has a profound effect on us that in our sub-conscience mind we are doing what’s right and what we are suppose to do.  So let me ask this, when is it Domestic Violence when you attacking or being attacked?  Was it DV when my mother was edging on her significant others and beating the hell outta them or did it become DV when the men in her life defended themselves.  See that’s the point, it’s a vicious cycle that was never broken, it doesn’t matter who attacked who or what for.  What matters is that it was  dysfunctional relationships that should have been nipped in the bud and all parties involved went their separated ways.  Easier said than done, right?  Why is that?  I tell you why because we think it’s love and that this is what love is about, when it’s not about the love you have for the other person, it’s about how much love you have for yourself.  And if we loved ourselves like we are suppose to, you would realize that no matter how much this person makes me want to smack the holly shit outta them, I love myself too much to be put in a situation where I jeopardize my life and well-being.  Just my thoughts on it, I mean I’m only human, right and no one is perfect.


4 Responses to “Love Hurts (Male Perspective)”

  1. DV is DV, if you inflict bodily harm on your counterpart, it becomes self-defense when in an effort to protect yourself (from injuries or death), you do what you have to do. I think it’s wrong for women to hit men, but I don’t think that it provokes a beat down, look…in most cases, there’s a way for a man to defend himself without hitting, punching, or slapping. If a person’s in a situation where the’re either the aggressor or the abused, it’s DV and there’s a potential to be on either side of the situation, which it’s a red flag and one should run like their draws are on fire. I just think it’s sad that in the CB/Rihanna situation, people tend to react by saying “I wonder what she did to provoke him?” Or to find some type of psychological justifications for his actions. If someone commits any type of offense, is it right to question the motive, or to punish the crime? It just makes me think of lawyers trying to get their clients off on “by reason of insanity”. Point blank, we need to as adults try to curb the behaviors in which we are prone to, yes we are shaped by our upbringings, but we don’t have to be a victim of it and continue to perpetuate the wrongs of our parents.

    • That’s what I’m talking about, why keep holding on to something that’s not good for you in the first place. And whose to say our upbringing was all right too. like that was the end-all-to-be-all, ya know.

  2. Steve – I absolutely love this. My advice so I really think you should write more on this, maybe we can come up with a book – you can do his perspective and I can do her perspective (lol)

    I hate to admit it but I am feeding off of you because I had a comment but it turned into a page (lol) sooooo if you see me with a blog soon you’re my inspiration!!

    • That’s exactly what i’m talking about. As long as someone is talking about something, let’s keep the conversation going and see where it can lead us. That was a huge issue with your cousin and me, with didn’t know how to communicate and over the years we build certain barriers up against one another and before you knew it, it was over and too late to repair. I always tell people it’s ok to use me, just don’t misuse me. There is a difference. I get inspiration from you too, I love your poems and wish I could write like that, but you know how that is.

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