Getting Old, Regrets, Lost Ambition…..

And on another note…. A good friend of mine and I were talking (actually emailing) each other about how time has shown flown is the past 20 years.  He asked me how did I feel about the past 20 years or so.  This has come up because in four years “Lord Willing” 2012 will be 20 years since we graduate high school and started college together.  Damn, that is crazy!  I pray the Lord blesses me to see that, I really do.

Reflecting back on those years, months and days, I can honestly say that I had some really good times with friends and family and some really bad times by myself and also with friends and family.  From what I can remember right of hand isn’t a lot, maybe because I went through a phase right around the time I started college where everywhere I went it was really smoky and people were happy and drinking and partying.  Never figured that one out….  Anyway, I sit back now and reflect on those times, those were the good ol’ days, let me tell you that.  I had a freaking ball, I remember all the good times man.  I made it a point to remember them when they were happening.  Like I knew we weren’t going to get these days back.  I can remember my family telling me that you’re going to wish you had a childhood again and they were right.  Well not so much childhood, that was a really crazy time in my life, but the teenage and young man transition was the shit.  In my world I done it all.  I left nothing to chance, I partied like a rock star, made love like a porn star and rode the wave of not knowing where I was going or what I was doing.  Just knowing and feeling there has to be a better way of living and wanting, trying to find it.

Well, in the misted of all that I got caught up numerous times.  See, I’m a Gemini and I have like two of everything.  Two personalities, two sets of best friends, good friends, bad friends and I seem to fit in with any group of people I come across for some strange reason, maybe it’s the type of person I am, don’t know.  One group of friends where the type of guys who came from good homes, went to school and was on there way to college or do something positive with their lives.  The other group was straight hood, thugs from the projects, came from broken homes, straight drug dealers with everything to gain and nothing to lose.  Well, you can see where this is leading and you know good people are always drawn to the negatives in life.  Do I regret it tho’?  Not at all, what ever happen in my life I took as a lesson and tried not to make the same mistake, pretty much like how everyone does, but my shit was on the extreme level.  Can’t really get into all the detail of my younger years, but if you know me you know ME.

With all that being said, I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I now have beautiful kids, a loving family who’s been there for me and I for them and good friends who have stood the test of time.  The question is though when do you stop searching for your moment in time and space and just force your way onto the scene and just do you.  I always say that if I’m blessed enough to be still breathing, then it’s never too late to do nothing in this world.  I look back on my life and say “I had a plan and it’s working to perfection”.  Peace…I’m out!

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2 Responses to “Getting Old, Regrets, Lost Ambition…..”

  1. Thanks Bra! This is exactly what I needed to hear when we were reflecting. You have shown me and reassured me that I’m blessed and there’s plenty to come. Sometimes I stress over the future, but reflecting on the past and considering the present, I realize that this is all God’s design and he’s seeing it to perfection! I’m grateful for patnas like you and the memories we’ve shared…sleeping in the bushes, taking over frat parties and steeling their women right in front of their faces, and having a ball. We had our struggles as well; but those make us stronger and tend to fade away. It’s the good times we hold onto and for damn good reason.

    It’s all love family!

  2. Nice family pics too! Especially, the one with you moms, and your brother. You look just like Warren G in that one. Now, you look like the American Dream.

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